


The Subtleties in Starvation

by ActiveAgression



Category: Lazer Team (2015)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-01-30
Updated: 2016-01-30
Packaged: 2018-05-17 05:21:48
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,682
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5855692
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ActiveAgression/pseuds/ActiveAgression
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Woody knows - just knows - he's going to starve after all this shit, and all Zach can talk about is how he wont be able to masturbate right. </p><p>Nothing about the suit is fair.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Subtleties in Starvation

**Author's Note:**

> I don't even know. 
> 
> Liked the movie though! Brilliant stuff there, i may just enjoy seeing Gavin with some dumbass helmet on. 
> 
> Sorry for any mistakes, i'll read through this later when it's not 3 in the morning and i didn't power this out in an hour and a half and then i'll cringe and fix it. 
> 
> Enjoy and stuff... Comment if you will.

Woody feels he got the short end of the stick with the helmet; he can’t even fucking eat after all. He figures eventually he’s just going to starve and wither away into nothing and someone else will commandeer his helmet. The real question is, after what happened to him - would anyone want to? 

Maybe the asshole aliens that gave them the stupid armor don’t need to eat or something, didn’t think about it.   
Either way, he’s pretty sure he’s the worst off. 

Zach doesn’t seem to agree though; Woody hasn’t pleaded his case or anything with the starving part but he figures even if he tries Zach will disagree on principle. 

It’d only taken him one day to realise. 

“It’s my fucking right hand!” he yelled suddenly from his bunk and Woody had leant over the edge of the top bunk to stare at him quizzically. It wasn’t his smartest move as the weight of the helmet dragged him down more then he’d calculated. Abruptly his head was heavy and full of blood and he was having a hard time getting it back up, but he got the general gist of Zach’s annoyance. 

Somewhere between, “i’m right-handed!” and, “how the fuck am i meant to jerk off with this thing?” it had become apparent. 

Hagen had immediately done his, ‘i am holier than thou’ routine, lecturing about how in the grand scheme of the world ending it didn’t matter, and really was the least of Zach’s worries. 

Woody thought it was about the right time to chip in, “what if it never comes off though?” 

Zach glared at him through the bunk. Woody could see it with the helmet and even with mattress in the way, it was potent in its anger. 

“I’m just saying,” he defended, “you might never be able to wank the same again. And i may never eat again.” 

Zach started growling and hitting things and completely ignored the ‘starving’ part like it didn’t matter and Woody sighed, pretending it didn't hurt a little that no one cared that he could potentially die from this… that Zach in particular didn’t care. 

Herman got his limp fixed, Hagen gained a badass shield, Zach lost the use of his fingers but gained a bitchin’ laser gun and Woody… well, Woody’s going to die. Maybe. Possibly. Perhaps. 

He pretends it doesn’t bother him that day, though it does, though he feels a little empty inside like he’s already starving but he knows that could just all be in his head. 

He pretends it doesn’t bother him as he gets ready the next day, somehow the warnings about his suit ‘not retarding flame’ don’t bother him nearly as much as the rampant discomfort does. He’s going to die anyway, it doesn’t need to be nonflammable but at the very least it could be comfortable. 

He can feel his dick pressed along his thigh and he’s pretty sure from the looks he keeps getting, everyone else can see it. Zach’s complaints about his lack of masturbation had quickly quietened when he’d noticed the impressive bulge in Woody’s skin tight suit. Everyone else became quiet in much the same manner. 

He heard the army guys last night, talking about cutting the suit off if they fail the test and it bothers him that they would kill him so easily but he can’t help but think that, all the same, he’s dying anyway and what he’s been feeling all day are definitely hunger pains. His throat’s felt parched all morning. 

Regardless, he warns the others telepathically - which is cool but doesn’t make up for the whole death via starvation thing - and all it really gets him is awkward sexual tension, a much more apparent bulge in his suit and the opportunity to watch Hagen punch Zach across the face which isn’t nearly as satisfying as he thought it would be. 

Needless to say, they fail the test and their ‘general check up’ feels a lot more murdery and amputee friendly then he would like. The others are all shoved off down the hallway and Woody gets manhandled onto some table chair hybrid and he gets strapped down, and he isn’t strong like the others. He’s a skinny, lithe mess of limbs and just from the feel of their fingers wrapping around his wrists; he knows the bruises will be there reminding him for days. 

Not that it’ll matter when he’s dead. 

For some reason though, despite the inevitable starvation - he finds himself panicking and scrolling through the helmet’s modes until stealth mode appears and then the orderly is screaming and the other three are screaming and he doesn’t know when they got here but he’s pretty happy about it. 

It’s only when they’re at some weird cabin that Hagen took them too, that he realises how pointless it all is. He’s still going to die and his stomach is really starting it’s protests but he can’t do anything about it.   
He settles into silent and discreet moping, noting Zach’s disappearance into the bedroom briefly before pain took over and he finds he couldn’t care less. 

Sure, he’s had that thing for Zach since forever and the only reason he actually goes to the games is so he can laugh at Zach’s immature inappropriate motions while everyone else recoils in disgust, but that doesn’t mean anything when Zach’s quite clearly into something with Hagen’s daughter so Woody forgets about the disappearance. 

This proves to be a mistake when Mindy shows up with food and Woody tucks into it with gusto to ignore the way she’s looking at Zach - with wanting and the way he’s looking back - with some version of nervousness and a lust that Woody has literally never seen aimed at him. 

It sounds a little violent in there, but Woody won’t look - can’t bring himself to look for the sake of his feelings and then there’s an explosion and through the hole in the wall - he doesn’t see the naked skin he was expecting.   
Rather, it looks like she’s trying to kill him more then fuck him so Woody counts it as a win and helps subdue, in his usual non confrontational way where he just supplies answers out of nowhere. 

There’s still something that breaks a little inside him when Zach calls Mindy his girlfriend. 

Whatever, he’ll die soon anyway. 

Like possibly the next moment, when alien psycho freaks possessing humans appear out of nowhere with bad intentions and even worse aim. He’d like to think that’s the alien part of them, but it’s likely the human part causing their shots to go wide. 

He figures they can’t possibly do worse after the incident with the tree but they manage to, hitting no one - not even still targets - but then again, now they’re all beat up and bleeding. 

He later finds out the bad aim is definately the alien part. 

Really, everything all just leads up to him being really fucking hungry at the battle with the Worg… or the Warg… the Werg? 

Zach keeps yelling at them about his lack of ability to masturbate and somehow, in the battle he finds around fifteen different ways to say jerk off. At one point he starts yelling about being gay too but Woody reckons, despite his hopeful heart, that it was likely adrenaline mixed with Zach’s odd fascination with people being gay. 

And throughout it all, all the missed shots and bad plays and the fucking death, he’s just hungry. 

But they prevail anyway and the sad truth is, Woody doesn’t die.   
It’s the end of the battle and he’s not dead, he’s very much alive and celebratory hugs are going round and he feels nothing but depressed because he’s going to fucking starve to death and he’s going to starve to death after having seen the most beautiful thing. 

It’s Zach’s fucking smile that kills him a little, the pure unchecked joy of someone who just kicked alien butt - saved the world. It’s toothy and wide and Woody’s seen Zach angry before, triumphant many times but he’s never seen him smile quite like this. It’s breathtaking. 

Woody’s still a little dazed by it all - the fight, the smile, the lack of food - that it doesn’t really register that Zach’s striding towards him until he’s real close with an oddly soft expression and determination. 

Woody doesn’t know what to expect but Zach kissing him is probably the opposite. He’s thought about it, but he’d never thought it would happen but... it is. Zach’s got soft lips and they’re pressed so perfectly to Woody’s own and there’s pressure and a little bit of tongue and his dick is very obvious right now, more so than ever before. 

Woody makes a little happy noise into Zach’s mouth, confused about a lot but mostly just okay as fuck with everything and life and sure, he’s probably going to die soon but at least he got to kiss Zach before- 

Wait.

Woody pulls back to regard Zach oddly. The other shuffles a little, looks insecure for once in his life and opens his mouth to speak but Woody gets there first. 

“How’d you do that?” he asks because his viser is gone and he’s been looking for days for a setting that does exactly that and then Zach comes along and just does it? 

Zach’s brow furrows and he gestures a little helplessly with his hands. 

“Like this,” he mutters, bringing up a hand to flick the visor back down manually and then back up with the little tab sticking out that Woody never noticed. “It’s not that high tech.” 

Woody laughs, bellows out chuckles in relief because he’s going to live! He’s just been such an idiot about this - not that anyone even told him - and then he drags Zach back in for another kiss where Zach’s nose kind of bumps into the helmet but then he tilts his head and they get there finally. 

Woody can feel Zach’s lips curving into a smile against his own, and there’s never been a better feeling in the world.


End file.
